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So for some context, I’m on some new ADHD meds and over the weekend they worked brilliantly. Everything felt really crisp, I could concentrate properly and I felt like I was actually functioning normally. But now they’re just making me feel hazy and I fucking hate it.

I genuinely think that’s why I keep ragequitting during the streams.

I’ve basically got two options going forward: go back to my old meds, which worked but not quite as well and didn’t last as long, or try these fucking things again tomorrow and see if it was just a bad few days.

Because I really do feel like they’re what’s causing me to lose my shit so much. Battlefield has always been frustrating, obviously, but it was never like this. At least not in my head. I could get annoyed, have a shit game, whatever, and move on.

Now I just can’t seem to catch a fucking break.

If I play by myself I swear I get the worst games imaginable. Has my skill bracket suddenly increased since last week or something? Because how am I suddenly unable to fight back at all? Why is my aim dogshit? Why am I constantly getting put on the losing team?

Before, it was basically every other game that felt like a complete loss. But I’m not going to get myself into the mindset of just leaving whenever a game isn’t going my way. I genuinely hate giving up on things. That’s why ending the stream early upsets me so much.

I’m not ending because I don’t want to play. I’m ending because I’m getting more and more angry, and once I get angry I make more mistakes, and then I start noticing every single bit of Battlefield bullshit and it just spirals from there.

And the worst part is, I REALLY enjoy this game. I’ve got myself into a really nice rhythm with it, and last week felt fucking amazing. I was enjoying myself, the streams were going well and I felt like I was actually getting somewhere.

The only thing that’s changed on my side is these new meds.

And I know they worked flawlessly over the weekend, which is what makes this even more confusing, because during the week they’ve been fucking horrendous. I feel like I’ve smoked some really strong haze. I’m not completely out of it, but I’m hazy and I can’t focus properly. It’s like I either need a dose that actually holds my hand and keeps me focused, or I’m going to have to go back to the old meds because at least I know they work, even if they don’t last as long.

I just don’t know what the fuck to do.

I feel genuinely shitty about all of this because my channel has actually been growing. My click-through rate and engagement have been improving more over the last three weeks than they have in ages, and now I’m sitting here raging on stream and ending after two and a half hours.

I feel like I’m making awful content.
And honestly, it’s really fucking getting to me.
I just want shit to start working out again.

Playing battlefield alone is genuinely shit 😭

Apologies for ending the stream early.

I have had a stressful day and I just wasn't having any fun. 
So I did what everyone should do, which is,  ragequit and punch your desk 😂

(I didn't punch my desk)
But in all seriousness,  see you all on Monday, have a nice weekend.

Toodles ✌🏻

Welp entire local area had a power cut.. 
Might try and get the stream back up, we shall see :)

What does this expression convey 🤔👇🏻

I have successfully moved house!

I’m here, and honestly, it’s all pretty good. The location is picturesque, and there are actually a few nice shops locally, which is a pleasant surprise.

The only downside at the moment is that my internet isn’t going to be anywhere near as good as it was before.

I’ll probably be unable to stream properly until sometime next week, depending on when the new internet is activated.

I do have a mobile 5G router in the meantime, but unfortunately it really can’t handle the upload demands I need for streaming. It has given me an extra ~10ms of ping, though, so I’ve gone from around 29–32ms to 41–45ms. Realistically, that isn’t much of an issue.

Once the broadband is up and running, it should be able to handle the bulk of the streaming, and potentially some of the gaming too. Exactly how well it performs will depend on factors largely outside of my control, so we shall see.

In the meantime, I’ll continue making Shorts from my Twitch streams, so there should still be regular “uploads” in that regard.

Either way, have a nice weekend, everyone.

See you soon.

AK

Hey all - 

I will be moving house sometimes next week. 
So I dont know how streaming will be affected going forward.

But ya'll might not see me for a week or so, I'll still post shorts though.

That is all.

Toodles